Blue Tabs

Wishing to expand my vulnerability and learn something from it, I went through my journal and plucked some of the most (currently) prescient pieces from it.

It turns out, there were more than 100 instances where I said the same thing in one way or another. That “thing” didn’t sink in until years later. Early on, it was almost solely sarcasm or subtext. I didn’t want to be real, even privately, alone. This process of writing and recording is deeply puzzling sometimes.

One by one, I rewrote each of those bookmarked pieces in my Notes app, peeling off the blue tabs and sticking them to the back of my hand.

Here is one from a special winter night after a long-ish drive north, with the windows open and Jinjer’s “Wallflower” on repeat:

Train tracks. Above me and to my side. Iron structures and big industrial places. Dance song after dance song. An open, large room with echoey walls. Kisses on the cheeks and long sincere embraces. Bliss so pure that it feels like a dream. Tenderness and adoration. Vulnerability. Loud impressions. Taking up the entire stage. Chest voice. Djent, again. Movement. Progress. Love. 20 nov. 2024